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Saturday, May 5, 2012

Longing

The dictionary states that the word Longing means - strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something that is unattainable or distant.

My particular longing is for something that feels so very distant. I am longing to hold this sweet little baby of ours. To snuggle him, kiss him, smell him, watch his every movement and facial expression in complete awe.

This pregnancy has definitely felt like the longest pregnancy...ever. The first half of the pregnancy seemed to fly by. What with being a mom of two busy children, working part time, trying to keep house, and trying to 'maintain' my good wife status...why wouldn't it!? Then the second half of the pregnancy came about, and we took a little unexpected 'detour' if you will. Going from completely busy full days of being in full on Mom/Wife mode, to bed rest came as a bit of a shock to my system...it has definitely taken some getting use to! (and I can NOT wait to be able to go back to full on Mom/Wife mode!! "Resume" my life...cook meals for my family, clean my house, take my kids places...even if it's just for a walk to the park, see my friends, craft/sew/scrapbook...be a family under one roof for more than just the weekend!! etc...)

Time has most definitely seemed to pass by faster since I have been able to be in High River with my kids! At times I feel like we still have so long to go, while on the other hand we're down to the final count down (3 WEEKS!!)

I guess when you are told half way through your pregnancy that you are at risk of going into pre-term labor again, and there is a chance of loosing your baby (if we didn't pass the point of viability)...you wonder every day if this day will be the day that it happens, or if you will make it to the next....making every day feel like a week, and every week feel like a month!

I'm not sure who is getting to be more impatient, me or the kids. Marshall asks me almost every day if the baby is coming out of my tummy. In fact just last week Irish and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. We went into Calgary for dinner, while my most amazing in-laws looked after the kids.

The following morning the kids come down into our room. Marshall comes to my side of the bed, walking very cautiously and asks "Mom, did the doctor take the baby out, or is it still in your tummy?" I told him that the baby was still in my tummy...to which I have never seen a more disappointed face. I reminded him that we had to have his birthday first, and then the baby will come. He then asks "Is my birthday tomorrow?!" I had a little chuckle as his birthday was still 9 days away.

He then climbs into bed with us...yes all 4 (I guess you could say 5...with the size of my belly) of us, 'cozied' up in a double bed, comfortable wouldn't you say!?

A couple minutes later he hops out of the bed and peeks over the side of the crib that is in the room (I had some clothes hanging over the side, thus preventing his ability to see through the side). I only assume he was checking to see if a baby was by chance laying in there, as once he discovered that there wasn't one, his shoulders and head dropped and he slowly crawled back into the bed pouting!

Every morning when I come upstairs and the kids see me Paisley's first reaction is "BABY!" as she runs to me with out stretched arms and gives my belly a soft hug and a kiss, and then says "Hi Mom" and returns to what she was doing prior!

Every time the kids leave the house, or go to bed they always have to say goodbye/night to baby! It's so cute, I LOVE IT! I can't wait to see them with their new little brother!

Needless to say, this baby is being very patiently (somewhat) awaited by very excited siblings who are just waiting to love on him! (and I might add Parents too!)

Here's to counting down the days :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Rag Quilt

Check out this cute quilt that my wonderful Aunt helped me make while i've been here in Calgary on bed rest.





I just love it, and can not wait to wrap our little guy in it. 

While I was making it, it reminded me of the first quilt I ever made. It was when I was pregnant with Marshall, and not knowing if he was a boy or a girl I decided to make two blankets. One BOY one and one GIRL one. 

They too were rag quilts. I have come a LONG way in my sewing capabilities since then and I owe it all to my Mother-in-law who is excellent with a sewing machine and took the time to teach me how to do things properly. 

Thursday, March 8, 2012

28 week update

I had my second appointment with my Obstetrician here in Calgary this past Tuesday (March 6th). My blood pressure was normal, babies heartbeat was good...but when the doctor measured my tummy, it was measuring small for how far along I am. She decided it would be best if I had an ultrasound just to check up on baby and make sure he was growing. She said she wanted me to have an ultrasound within the next two weeks and come back for another appointment with her in three weeks.

When the receptionist was calling to book my appointment for the Ultrasound the clinic had an opening that afternoon, so I took it.

The Ultrasound technician and the Doctor (who looks at the results afterwords right in the clinic) both said that he was right on target for where he should be at this stage. The Doctor even had a graph with my last ultrasound results and this ultrasounds results on it, showing the growth in babies head, stomach and thigh bones. Seeing this gave me some peace of mind.

For now my Obstetrician wants me to stay in Calgary until i'm 32 weeks (April 1st). She would rather be on the safe side incase something does happen, as stated before in previous posts the Foothills Hospital is better equipped to handle premature babies. I guess in the last week four of her patients had their babies before 32 weeks.

It's getting to the point where I can't sit upright longer than an hour or else I start to cramp up. If I walk for longer than 20ish minutes I start to cramp up, as well as I can feel the baby getting lower and there's some tightness and pressure. Once all this starts I go lay down for a while and the cramping start to go away.

The way I look at it is, No it's not fun being away from my kids and husband and only seeing them on the weekends. I can't wait for the day that we are able to be a family all under one roof again! But at the same time, I am willing to make this small sacrifice for (possibly) the next three months so that this baby has the best possible chance of "cooking" as long as possible and being as strong and healthy as can be. I want to do all I can to give him the best possible start in this life.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and there is a lesson to be learned. Right now I'm not sure what the reason for this all is, nor have I figured out the lesson. I DO however have faith in our Lord, knowing that he knows what is best for me and my family, and I am willing to accept whatever he puts in our path.

Out of the Mouth of Babes...or almost 5yr olds

It's so neat to see both the kids growing, and trying to grasp new concepts, and occasionally get a glimpse into how their little minds work.

Marshall is a funny kid! Sometimes it's just plain hard to not laugh out loud at what he says. This past weekend we were driving back to my aunts house from church. I was somewhat prepping them by letting them know that later that day they would be going back to Grandma and Grandpas house. Each of them seemed to be okay with that.

I then told them that I had a Doctor's appointment on Tuesday and we would find out then if the Doctor felt it was okay for Mommy to go back home to Lethbridge, or if I had to stay here in Calgary.

Marshall pipes up and says "Mom, when the Doctor helps take the baby out of your tummy, can I hold him?"
Me: "Of course you can" I reply, and then Paisley jumps right in
Paisley: "Me too, me too" -Marshall proceeds to show her how you need to hold the baby (ohh so cute!) 
Marshall then continues to tell me "Mom, when the Doctor helps you take the baby out of your tummy it will slowly get smaller and smaller." -Thanks Marshall!! I had no idea ;)

He pauses for a minute and then asks another question.

Marshall :"Mom, can you do me a favour?"
Me: "...umm sure?!"
Marshall: "When you get married again-
Me: (I immediately cut in) "Get married again? I'm not getting married again, I married Daddy-
Marshall: (he then cuts me off...a little frustrated as if I'm the one that doesn't know what I'm talking about) "No, no when you get married again, can you have a girl baby? Cause Paisley really wants a baby sister"
Me: "oh...umm, well we will have to see. We will have to pray to Heavenly Father and see if we should have another baby. But no, I can't promise it will be a girl
Marshall: (in a somewhat disappointed, but almost a little understanding voice) "oookaaay"

Lightbulb Moment for myself- He thinks that when you get married, that's how you get a baby in your tummy...we'll just let him think that for a little while longer!


Just yesterday I was talking to Marshall on the phone (as we do now on a daily basis) and he was telling me how one of his cousins bite him. I proceed to ask him why his cousin bit him, what he did to make his cousin want to bite him...etc I then ask him if he forgave his cousin and his reply to me was "No, I didn't say that word"

How I love that little boy...who isn't so 'little' anymore! I still can't believe he will be starting Kindergarten this year!!

Truly Blessed, Eternally Greatful

First, let me just start off by saying "I have the most AMAZING family EVER!!!!!!!" Seriously, not even joking!

My in-laws have had my children for the past 31 of 42 days. I can guarantee its no picnic! Not saying that my children are a handful, but they are full of energy and I'm sure it's been quite the adjustment on both ends. They have been kept busy with the plethora of games that Grandma has, puzzles that Grandpa does with them, books there are to read, baking cookies, having movie nights, going to the park, being taken to the Parent Link Center in High River and participating in the programs they have there, playing with cousins, and I even heard that Marshall helped Grandpa clean all three bathrooms!!...Basically doing all the things that I wish I could be doing with them.

My Sisters-in-laws have helped out by watching the kids at Grandma and Grandpa's or by having the kids over at their house to play (so Grandma & Grandpa can continue with their planned outings...and have a much deserved break I'm sure!)

My Aunt & Uncle have "put me up" for the past five and a half weeks, and my entire family on the weekends. Not only have they provided a place for me to be so that I can be closer to the Foothills Hospital (just in case) they, once again, are providing for me emotionally & physically. They truly are a great support system for myself and my family at this time.

My sister has graciously given up the bed she was sleeping in and has since moved to the futon in the same room (it brings back memories of when we were younger and shared a room)

My other sister has driven me back and forth between all the Dr appointments and Ultrasounds that I have had.

and MULTIPLE people have been here to help me out with the kids if they get dropped off before Irish is able to be here. Because of my family helping out, the kids have been able to go to 'Tommy K Play Place' which is an indoor playground for kids here in Calgary with big slides, plasmacars and roadways, a little gymnastic area, and tonnes of tunnels for the kids to crawl around in. We've had a 'gym day' at the church and the kids had a blast running around with their cousins playing basketball, pushing babies in strollers, driving plasmacars, and just burning a whole bunch of energy. My sisters had a movie night with the kids, followed by taking them swimming at the leisure centre the next day.

It's been great to feel all of the Love and Support we have received from our immediate family and how much everyone is just willing to 'pitch in' and help out! With everyone helping out, it makes the situation that we are in not so bad.

So Thank You family for being there for us in our time of need! We really, truly are SO very grateful and appreciate all that you are doing for us!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

24 Weeks & Counting

Wohoo!

Baby and I have made it to 24 weeks! It's a little more comforting to know that if I do go into pre-term labor that the baby is now viable!

I had my first Ultrasound after being discharged from the hospital yesterday (Mon Feb 6th) and today I met with the Obstetrician who I will be seeing while I am in Calgary. Her name is Dr. Mahalingham and she seems like a really nice lady! I will admit that when I was told that I was going to be seen by a lady Doctor I was a little nervous, as all my previous encounters with female Doctors haven't been the greatest.

After an hour and half wait in the waiting room (nothing like spending your whole afternoon in the waiting room) we finally go to see the Dr.

She said everything looked great from the ultrasound. Placenta was good, baby was good, in fact he even measured a week further along than what I actually am! (although the technician did say that the further along you are the more inaccurate the measurements are...didn't really make sense to me...but I'm not the technician am I)

Dr. Mahalingham said that she wants me in Calgary for at least another month, quite possibly until I am 32 weeks...I'm currently 24!

She said because of the complications I was having earlier, and because my cervix was already shorter(end) I was at risk of rupturing my membranes. She would rather be safe and have me in Calgary, as the Foothills Hospital is better equipped with everything they need to assist a pre-term baby, than have me go back to Lethbridge.

If anything like pre-term labour, bleeding, any sort of discharge starts again, I immediately have to go to the Foothills hospital and they will be giving the baby steroids to help it grow as much as it can before giving birth.

I'm not on complete bed rest, but I still cannot lift heavy items, or exercise, or anything else that would be to strenuous on my body. Basically I just need to take it easy, and slowly return (somewhat) to my normal daily routines, while listening to my body and resting if need be.

I'll do whatever it takes to keep this little boy inside as long as possible. I know that through the Lord all things are made possible. I will  continue having the faith that whatever does happen is his plan, and he knows what is best for me and my family.

I don't know what the outcome of my situation will be, but I do have a calming feeling that everything will be okay...what 'okay' is exactly, I don't know. For now all I can do is pray and have faith.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Phoenix Trip...Re-Routed!

On Thursday January 26th I packed the kids and My self into the van and headed to Calgary. I was preparing to leave the following morning on a 7:00am flight to Phoenix to go visit family and participate in a race (don't worry, i wasn't actually planning on running, just a nice long walk in +20C degree weather) for my 4 year old niece who has been diagnosed with Leukemia. I had made arrangements with my sister, Kristi, to watch my children while I was away.

During the drive to Calgary I started experiencing some discomfort in my abdomen. Two nights prior (Tuesday) I received food poisoning of some sort and thought it was just some "after math" from that.

As the drive continued it became more painful and uncomfortable. I just kept my destination in mind and that's what I aimed for...I wasn't stopping for anything. For the last 45 min of my drive I was in excruciating pain! I had to talk my self through it, tell myself not to tense up & just try to relax. It got to the point that I had to remind myself to breath. By the time I was reaching the outer city limits of Calgary I kept thinking to myself that I would way rather be in labour, because this was the most incredible pain I have ever experienced! Even just moving my foot from the gas to the break hurt. By this time I was in constant prayer with my Heavenly Father pleading with him to just let me make it to my Aunts house (in very south Calgary). It was about 5:00pm by the time I reached city limits. I had to make a decision; 1-Continue onto McLeod Trail or 2- Exit onto 22X and go "the back way". I chose 22X as I thought it would be a little faster and I didn't want to get stuck in rush hour traffic. As I'm driving up the ramp to get onto 22X all I can see is BACKED UP TRAFFIC. I almost loose it. I plead with Heavenly Father again to be with me, take this pain away, I can't do this by myself! Meanwhile trying to appear as nothing is wrong for the kids and trying to answer question after question.

As I kept in constant prayer the pain seemed to lessen some, and traffic never came to a dead stop, it kept in constant crawling mode. I knew I had help from above.

When we finally arrived at my Aunts house I was so relieved! As soon as I pulled into the driveway and parked the van I immediately felt light headed and extremely nauseous. With everything I could muster together I asked Marshall if he could go into the house and see if Nannie (my Aunt) or Auntie Lacey (my Sister) were home. He stood in the middle of the van with a pale face and wide eyes. I guess I didn't hide the fact that something was wrong well enough.

Again I asked him the same thing. He just cautiously asked if I was okay. I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I felt like I was going to throw up.

I realized I was just going to have to get the kids out and head for the washroom, fast. Every second I stood there trying to un-buckle Paisley felt like an eternity. Finally I got her out and half carried her into the house, with Marshall right behind me.

I took my shoes off and headed to the bathroom while "ditching" my kids at the door. My aunt realized I was in pain and went to help the kids, but Paisley of course started crying and didn't want anyone but me. I could hear Marshall say something to the effect of "Mommy wants to throw up, her tummy hurts"

Within minutes they were both by my side in the washroom, my Aunt tried to convince them that coming and playing with toys would be much more enjoyable!...Neither one of them took the bait.

The Nausea soon faded, but the abdominal pain was still there. I sat on the thrown for a while, and then it was as if my intestines were just filled with air! After I released the air/gas I was SO relieved. ALL the pain and discomfort was gone. I still felt a bit achy, but hey, I could deal with that!

At this point I just thought it was something I had eaten, and vowed to only eat "plain & boring" foods for the next little while, as to not have a repeat!

I then continued to get myself all packed up (I was borrowing a suitcase, as all of ours were smokey from the fire)

The kids and I ate supper, visited for a little and then headed over to Kristi's house where I was dropping the kids off. We arrived just after 9pm and was trying to give Kristi and Curtis the run down for the kids as quick as possible, without missing anything. I still needed to get over to my cousin Angela's house, as we were flying out together and had to be at the airport at 5am.

Curtis was brushing the kids teeth while I finished up with Kristi...and then, I felt like I had perhaps peed my pants, I anxiously waited for them to be done, and went in immediately after.

I then saw what no pregnant woman, no matter how far into the pregnancy they may be, wants to see...fresh, deep red, blood.

I was in shock! At first I didn't know what to do, and then I started panicking. I called my sister into the bathroom, she was just as shocked as I was. I then called my Aunt for advice (because anytime I don't know what to do, she will!) 

She told me to first call Health Link, and if I got through to talk to them, but if I couldn't get through right away head to the nearest hospital! All we got through Health Link was elevator music...so to the hospital it was.

Upon arriving at the hospital and explaining why I was there to the ER Triage Nurse I was told to go immediately up to Labour and Delivery, Unit 51 and they would let them know I was coming.

I was taken into an assessment room where they wanted all the details of the situation at hand, info on my two previous pregnancies, and my "life history".

It was decided that they would take some blood & test it, do an internal exam & do a "mini" ultrasound (I call it mini cause the whole machine was on a portable cart & they were only checking to see if they could find any obvious signs/reasons for me to be bleeding)


*The rest is a compilation of notes I took on my iPod while in the hospital so I could keep track for myself what was going on...when you're in the hospital for any length of time the days & nights all melt into one big looooooong day*


Friday January 27, 2012

2:00am - After hearing the babies heart beat, checking my blood pressure and checking my cervix it was decided that I would stay overnight. They said my cervix was shortened and there was a small tear in my uterus. They also did a quick ultrasound to see if they could see anything. They kept talking about "lakes" and said my placenta looked thick which sometimes means it didn't implant securely enough. At this point they just have to assume that my placenta is/has detached(ing) or torn. I was told I would be put first on the list for ultrasound in he morning.

3:00am - A nurse came in, woke us (kristi & I) up and said something about us going home and coming back in the morning for the ultrasound. We were confused and told her that I thought I was staying over night and having it in the morning (because the bleeding had not stopped). She went to go talk to he doctor and came back apologizing and told us to go back to sleep!

We were lucky enough to be able to fall asleep the first time. Keep in mind we are still in the Labour and Delivery unit...so just as your eyes are starting to droop, and sleep tries to overtake you, the scream of a woman mid-labour/contraction/push makes any hope of sleep disappear. Also take into account that my poor sister is trying to sleep in a chair made for sitting...not even "slouching friendly" & I am trying to sleep on an assessment bed much to short for my height...with a mattress...well I wouldn't consider it a mattress as i have bruises on my behind to prove there wasn't any 'comfort' to it at all.

8:00am - A nurse came in and told us that I was first on he list for the ultrasound

9:30 am- Still waiting for them to come get me for the ultrasound

10:15am - Went to the washroom, and talked to a nurse on the way back. Apparently someone said I was sleeping and so they pushed me back in the "ultrasound line"...but that I was NOW first in line. Someone should be in to check babies heartbeat and my blood pressure.

11:00am- Finally taken to have the ultrasound. The technician doing it was AWESOME! I could see the whole thing too! Even for ultrasound pictures, he was so stinking cute! The technician was talking to him as if he was already born, asking him politely to move his arms or hands out of the way, or to not turn away from us, calling him sweetie...etc. I could see and feel him move at he same time...I feel like I connected a bit better with my boy today.

The obstetrician that "read" the results right in the ultrasound room made everything sound good, baby is right on target, according to their measurements he was in the 65 percentile for every measurement (head circumference, stomach, length, weight, bone size...etc). They could not find where I was bleeding from. They said the placenta looked good, but if it was torn/detached a little bit they wouldn't be able to see it anyways. She wants me to have follow up ultrasounds every 4 weeks for the rest of the pregnancy, just to monitor the growth of baby and placenta and to see if they can find any tears/detachment.

They took me back up to my room (referred to as the "closet room" by the nurse that wheeled me back up) where I waited to be seen by the obstetrician (same one that saw me the night before). She came in, I think fully ready to let me go home, but then she asked to see my pad, and there was fresh blood...soooo I'm now in the hospital until I haven't had any fresh blood for 24 hours. She then continued to explain that if something did happen before I was 24 wks, that there was nothing they could do for baby as 'it' (he) is not considered viable before 24 weeks. I tried to hold it in...but I couldn't. Hearing that there was possibility of loosing my baby, or just knowing that if for some reason I did go into labour before Feb 05th that there was nothing they could do for him...hit me!


For the rest of the night my bleeding was inconsistent. It would appear to be slowing down, and then not.

Saturday January 28 2012

7:00am- The laboratory came in and took some blood (just one vile this time)

9:15am- The Doctor on call saw me, said I'd be here a couple days as I was still bleeding, and am only almost 23wks so they needed to monitor me.

10:20am- The same Obstetrician that saw me the previous night after my "mini" ultrasound came and saw me and said I could go home if I wanted to, because they aren't doing much for me here anyways. If I was over 24 weeks they would probably keep me in case something happened then they could do something immediately for baby. I need to continue to monitor the bleeding and if it gets worse than I need to come back.

I am on moderate bed-rest (I assume for the remainder of the pregnancy), with the exception of this week where I am basically on complete bed-rest to hopefully re-assure baby makes it to 24 weeks! She wants me to stay in Calgary for at least a month, and I have an Ultrasound set up for February 6th, with a Follow up appointment for February 7th.

I am happy to report that there has been no fresh bleeding since Saturday night (the 28th)